A New Nest: Embracing Life as Darren and Leanne

“Honey, I fixed your garden!”

I paused my jam making efforts and stared at my reflection in the microwave.  Deep breath.

“Um, I hadn’t realized it was broken…” I responded tentatively.

Darren poked his head in the patio door and beckoned me to come see.  He looked so youthful and excited that I couldn’t help but chuckle and join him, wondering to myself what “fixed” might look like.

I love gardening.  I love my husband.  I’m not sure I love the two of them together.  Lol

I almost choked when I walked outside to view the chaos of lumber and chicken wire covering all my beautiful garden beds.

“Now the squirrels can’t get your lettuce.”

I wasn’t sure I’d be able to get my lettuce anymore either and I didn’t recall having issues with lettuce eating squirrels but, hey, it’s the thought that counts?

“Oh my!” … that seems neutral, right?

Darren calls me a supportive wife and it’s the title I’ve held through the years that I’m most proud of.

I valiantly defended my title that day...

And so I praised his efforts but gently suggested that maybe he could include me in the plans for future garden fixes.

Over the course of the next year, he fixed and re-fixed my garden.  And he grew increasingly … sad.

Sad is the only word I can find that describes his state.  Some might call it depressed but that smacks of something more clinical to me.  We're human. It’s ok to be sad sometimes and just then he was. 

Darren's work life had wound down – retirement is great, but he lacked purpose.  His dad had passed.  My dad had passed (they were close).  And his best friend had passed, very unexpectedly.  

Darren’s a great dad, but the kids had moved on to their own lives so his role as "involved dad" had passed too.  Kaitlyn is married with her own home.  Tasha is off living happily and independently in Ontario. 

We're still a great loving family of four, but it’s different when the kids leave the nest.  Mommy and daddy are long forgotten -- mom and dad just aren’t needed the way we used to be.  No more Coach Darren scrambling to make it to every soccer, basketball and volleyball game.  Just “hey dad” at the other end of the phone line or at brunch on Sunday.

So, after some tough conversations and soul searching, Darren decided to go back to work.  He’s an accountant so it’s easy enough for him to find work that suits a slower pace than when he ran his own business.  It took about a year for him to understand how he might find the right balance but I think we’re there.  The firm he’s working for was very good about adapting with us and remote work is easier these days than it ever has been so we’re still able to pursue some of our “retirement” goals while he’s working.  Sort of a semi-retirement that gives us time together but rescues my poor garden from any future “fixing”!

To date, the squirrels still have an easier time getting into the garden than I do...

Adjusting to the Empty Nest

Adjusting to life with the kids out of the nest and stepping into semi-retirement has its own set of challenges and opportunities. Here are a few tips to help smooth the transition:

1. Rediscover and reinvent: Use this time to rediscover old hobbies and interests you may have put on the back burner. It’s also a great opportunity to explore new activities that you’ve always wanted to try but never had the time for.

2. Set new goals: With more free time, setting personal and couple goals can give a new sense of purpose. Whether it's traveling to places you've dreamed of, learning a new language, or getting involved in community service, having goals can bring a renewed sense of accomplishment.

3. Embrace honesty and vulnerability: It's perfectly okay to be open and honest with friends, family, and colleagues about this being a phase of exploration and adjustment. Letting your guard down and sharing that you're still figuring things out can not only lighten your load but also deepen your connections with those around you. Embracing vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, and it invites others to share in your journey with empathy and support.

4. Stay connected: Keep in touch with your children and other family members regularly, but also respect their independence. Staying connected doesn’t always mean being physically present; it can be a phone call, a text, or even a video chat.

5. Embrace flexibility: Semi-retirement offers a unique blend of work and leisure. Embrace the flexibility it offers. If you’re working remotely or part-time, find a rhythm that allows for both productivity and personal time.

6. Invest in relationships: With the kids out of the house, you have more time to invest in your relationships. Whether it's with your partner, friends, or new acquaintances, nurturing these connections can bring joy and fulfillment.

7. Stay active and healthy: Maintaining an active lifestyle is key to enjoying this new chapter. Regular exercise, healthy eating, and staying mentally active can improve your quality of life and keep you ready for whatever comes next.

8. Plan for the future: Continue planning for the future, both financially and personally. Ensure your retirement savings are on track and consider any adjustments needed for your long-term plans. At the same time, think about personal milestones you want to achieve in the coming years and how you can work towards them.

9. Volunteer and give back: Giving back to the community can be incredibly rewarding and can provide a sense of purpose and connection. Look for volunteer opportunities that align with your interests and values, whether it's at a local charity, school, or community center.

10. Cultivate a learning mindset: With the pace of the world today, there's always something new to learn. Whether it's keeping up with technology, exploring online courses, or diving into books on subjects you love, continuous learning can keep your mind sharp and your days filled with intrigue.

11. Embrace the quiet moments: While it's great to stay active and engaged, it's also important to appreciate the quieter moments. Take time for reflection, meditation, or just enjoying the peace of your surroundings. These moments can be deeply rejuvenating and grounding.

12. Plan for togetherness and solitude: Balancing time together with your partner and time alone is key. Discuss and plan for activities you can enjoy together, but also respect each other's need for individual space and interests.

13. Stay adaptable: Life can be unpredictable, and staying flexible can help you navigate changes with more ease. Be open to adjusting your plans and expectations as life continues to unfold.

By embracing these tips, you can make the transition to an empty nest and semi-retirement not just a smooth one, but a deeply fulfilling chapter in your life.

Happy empty nesting!
Leanne