The Complexity of "Friend": Teaching Friendship to Kindergarten Kids

As I sat at my desk, planning out a "friendship" theme for a kindergarten class, I was struck by a peculiar realization. There's an implicit assumption in the act of designing this lesson: that the term "friend" is an easy concept for a child. Perhaps we believe this because we view childhood as a time of innocence and simplicity, a period before life's complexities creep in. However, it occurred to me that the word "friend" is anything but simple.

Certainly, it's not a simple word for me. I've navigated five decades of life and have cultivated many wonderful, close relationships. But my journey with friendships is also peppered with regret and remorse. There are stories of friends whom I've let down, and of those who have let me down. Each friendship carried a lesson, a story, a shared secret, and a vault of emotions.

Among my friends, there is an unusual candidate – my cat. She offers unconditional love, tempered with her independent attitude and persnickity ways. There is comfort in this simplicity; the lack of human complexities in our relationship is refreshing. It reminds me that friendship isn't always about navigating the ups and downs of human behavior. So, should children not consider their pets when they're creating a "My Friends" collage or picture frame? After all, these creatures often embody qualities that we seek in our friends—loyalty, companionship, and a certain sense of ease.

This reflection led me to a question that I think we, as educators, need to contemplate more seriously: How do we introduce the concept of friendship to children in a way that honors each child's experience and respects their understanding of this concept?

The traditional Friendship Theme often seen in classrooms, complete with cut-out hearts and paper chain friends, is aesthetically pleasing, but does it do justice to the complexity of friendships? I wonder if it instead presents an overly simplified, cookie-cutter idea of what friendships should look like. It can unconsciously imply that there is a correct way to be a friend, potentially creating unnecessary pressure for children to conform to this ideal.

I believe the essence of educating children about friendship lies in embracing the diversity and complexity of this relationship. It's not just about painting a rosy picture of shared laughter and playdates, but also about recognizing disagreements, differences, and the beauty of reconciliation. Friendship is about empathy, understanding, and respecting boundaries—a hard task even for adults, let alone children.

One approach could be to encourage children to share their experiences and understanding of friendship. This could be done through open discussions or activities designed to foster sharing. It's important that we respect the diverse narratives that will emerge. Some might speak about the joys of friendship, while others might share experiences of disappointment or confusion. All these stories are valuable and can help children understand that it's okay to have different kinds of friendships and experiences.

In activities like the "My Friends" collage, we should encourage children to include anyone or anything they consider their friend. It could be their pet, their favorite tree in the backyard, or even an imaginary friend. This not only respects their understanding of friendship but also sends a subtle message about the inclusiveness of friendships.

Additionally, incorporating children's literature on friendship can provide them with diverse narratives about this relationship. Books like "Each Kindness" by Jacqueline Woodson, "Enemy Pie" by Derek Munson, or "Leonardo, the Terrible Monster" by Mo Willems, showcase various aspects of friendship – the joy, the challenges, the differences, and the reconciliation. Reading and discussing such stories can help children gain a deeper and broader understanding of what friendship can encompass.

Moreover, we should foster an environment where children feel safe expressing their feelings, even negative ones, associated with friendship. This can be facilitated through activities like drawing or writing about how they feel when they are with their friends, or when they have a disagreement with a friend. These activities can help children understand that it's normal to have mixed feelings in friendships, and it's okay to talk about it.

Finally, it's essential to model healthy friendship behaviors. As adults in their lives, we can demonstrate empathy, active listening, respectful communication, and conflict resolution. We should also remember to acknowledge and respect their feelings, as it models the importance of emotional validation in friendships.

As we strive to educate children about friendship, it's vital that we remember its complexity and honor the individual experiences of each child. Friendship is not a one-size-fits-all concept, and the sooner we accept this, the better we can guide our children towards understanding this beautiful yet complicated aspect of human life. Yes, friendship can be as simple as the bond between a child and a pet, and as complex as navigating the intricacies of human behavior. In both its simplicity and complexity, there is immense value and beauty. And it's our responsibility as educators to help children discover this.